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  • This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

  • Joining me today, he reads books y'know, it's Chris Joel.

  • Hello.

  • Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

  • ♪ I'm in the old-fashioned bustle my grandmother wore! ♪

  • He is, you know.

  • And the bounciest man on the internet, Matt Gray.

  • Willkommen, YouTube!

  • In front of me, I've got an article from Wikipedia, and these folks can't see it.

  • Every fact they get right is a point and a ding

  • and there's a special prize for particularly good answers, which is

  • And today, we are talking about the Sark football team.

  • Okay. Island off Jersey!

  • Yeah, have a point.

  • Have a point for that straight away.

  • - Do they play football? - Is it about their... aagh!

  • Yeah, but American football.

  • On a boat in Greenwich.

  • - What? - What?

  • Cutty Sark...

  • No?

  • Already?

  • Shall I leave?

  • Yes.

  • Yes, Sark is part of the Bailiwick of Guernsey.

  • Okay, fair enough.

  • What are the Channel Islands?

  • Let's start really, really far out.

  • Are they... some islands... in the English Channel, Tom?

  • Yeah, you're not getting a point for that.

  • - What? - What?

  • You're not getting a point when I gave you the title!

  • I don't understand the question, then.

  • There's something special about, sort of, how they

  • Oh, are you asking me what they're called?

  • Oh, Jesus f***.

  • There's one called Jersey, there's one called Guernsey,

  • - Go on. - ...and there's one called St Helen's?

  • No.

  • - No. - St Helen's is near Wigan!

  • You're thinking of St Helena, and that's on the other side of the planet.

  • Okay, yes...

  • Alderney.

  • Alderney is the other one, yes.

  • Does one of them have a capital of St Helena of Guernsey?

  • AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes!

  • Yes.

  • I'm getting something right.

  • That's my job!

  • And the thing is, you're wrong, it's Saint Helier.

  • When you say, “What are the Channel Islands?”

  • my standard answer is usually, “Occupied France.”

  • Yes, and have a point.

  • Absolutely, they were the only bit

  • Did you just give a point for that?

  • Well, that's one of the questions I was going to ask.

  • They were the only bit of the United Kingdom, well, UK territory,

  • that was actually taken by Germany in the Second World War.

  • They were invaded in 1940, or '41.

  • I forget the year.

  • I wasn't there, why the f*** am I like that? Honestly.

  • In 1940, but in terms of Britain, what are they?

  • Crown territory.

  • Yes.

  • Have the point, they are a crown dependency,

  • but they are not part of the United Kingdom.

  • Tax haven, wider than a mile... ♪

  • Oh, sorry, I thought you were going for Goldfinger, there.

  • - Same tune. - They are the same song.

  • And they are the same people that live there!

  • Is Sark the one where you don't have any motor vehicles?

  • Is it still bicycles and horses and carts?

  • Oh, yes, absolutely right.

  • Sark is the one where cars are banned.

  • Ladies and gentlemen, the Gary Brannan General Knowledge Edition.

  • The, “Gary's mum and dad have been on holiday to the Channel Islands,” edition,

  • and I sat through the photos.

  • I need some slides...

  • So was that just, “And this is not a car, and this is not a car, and this is not a car...

  • This looks like a car, but in the back...

  • very large hamster wheel.”

  • This looks like a car.”

  • Pull up the bonnet: horse.

  • Miniature horse?

  • Yes.

  • Oh, cracking, want one.

  • Isn't Sark one where it is technically still run by a lord?

  • - Feudal. - Feudal, I think it is something like that.

  • Oh, he's getting all the points today, yes.

  • He's on home turf here, come on.

  • Obscure crown territory facts, bring it on.

  • It was considered the last feudal state in Europe until 2008,

  • when they reformed it, but yes, that will...

  • You own the island, therefore you own the people.

  • Yeah, pretty much.

  • Oh, please say they had a Communist revolution.

  • I know they didn't but, you know?

  • - The horses. - A horsey uprising!

  • 'The Reform', it's referred to...

  • That sounds more ominous than it ought t'be, really, doesn't it?

  • 'The Reform.'

  • It is all capitalised.

  • And if you didn't like the idea, would that be Sark snark?

  • Jesus.

  • Yes?

  • No, it's sark-asm.

  • When you're negative about it.

  • Oh, guys, that deserved more, sark-asm, it really did.

  • There are a lot of old laws still in place.

  • They didn't have divorce until 2003.

  • Was it separation of bed and table?

  • I don't know what that is.

  • That is the way you could organise a form of divorce pre-divorce being allowed.

  • You were allowed to live apart by the church courts.

  • Mensa et thoro.

  • Oh yeah, come on, it's all in here somewhere!

  • I mean, I'm...

  • Because you've just basically told me the entire first paragraph of a completely different

  • Wikipedia article I haven't loaded.

  • So, yes.

  • Third time in three shows, by the way.

  • But how can you now get divorced on Sark?

  • You can murder the other person.

  • Not technically a divorce.

  • I reckon that was always an option, you know, mate.

  • Oh! Leave. Get divorced, come back.

  • Yes.

  • You can now get divorced in Guernsey and come back to Sark.

  • Those liberal Guernsey b******s,” they probably think.

  • Having been out on islands like that,

  • when I was on holidays a few years ago I went out to one of the Hebridean islands.

  • I went to Coll, which is a similar kind of thing, very small island.

  • They have a very slightly larger neighbour, Tiree, who they see as being stuck up,

  • because A, they have the Co-op, and B, they have the policeman.

  • And what happens is when the policeman gets on the boat to come over,

  • they phone up the island, and everyone hides their non-registered cars and stuff

  • until the policeman has left.

  • And now you've just ratted all of them out.

  • Yeah! Get over there, policeman from Tiree, come on!

  • But by the time he's got there, they'll have hidden them again.

  • Hidden the cars, yes.

  • Somewhere on that island, the phone's just...

  • Oh, we said not to tell anyone!”

  • Gary, we told you...!”

  • We briefly mentioned the economy, what is Sark's economy driven by?

  • Horses!

  • Sarcasm.

  • Tourism.

  • Yes, and you also said that earlier, financial services.

  • Eh, kids?

  • It has... a low amount of tax, let's say that.

  • How long do you have to live there?

  • It's got to be over a number of years, probably.

  • I'm guessing owning a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of a bit of land counts as living there.

  • Three months in a tax year.

  • Okay, fair enough.

  • If you're there for 91 days, you're good.

  • You're a resident,

  • you get their tax laws if you want them.

  • Don't do this, I'm really crap at tax stuff.

  • Do they have to be...

  • I'm rapidly figuring out if I can do this,

  • the answer is almost certainly no, but I'm thick as mince.

  • Don't let me near this.

  • Just a sec.

  • This means all your tax savings could be spent on getting a hovercraft there,

  • and then you could get a hovercraft there,

  • and that would be fun, because it's a hovercraft.

  • It is quite a long way away.

  • Tom, Tom, Tom, please can I have a go on a hovercraft?

  • What we're saying is we all want a go on a hovercraft.

  • And I think I can arrange that, but...

  • Ooh!

  • Smash cut to...

  • I'm more worried about Matt's tax advice system here, which is

  • - “Yes, we can save you money for a hovercraft.” - Hovercraft, hovercraft, hovercraft.

  • Like, it's not the worst tax advice I've ever heard, but

  • If we did, we could do a show on a hovercraft, it would be 'on air', because it's…

  • It's a golf clap. It's a golf clap.

  • It's a good four.

  • I'm not biscuiting that.

  • The legal system on Sark also has something called...

  • er, I'm going to try and pronounce French again here, which is never great.

  • Oh great.

  • The Clameur de haro.

  • Clammy arrows?

  • Is that along the lines of the hue and cry for a criminal, or something like that?

  • Oh, it's connected to hue and cry.

  • I'll absolutely give you a point for that.

  • Yes, for apprehending a felon, or something like that, no?

  • Ah, not in this case, but what is the hue and cry?

  • Hue and cry is an ancient thing where in a community

  • you would be responsible for raising the hue and cry if someone had committed a crime

  • and was passing through your community.

  • It's, “All pile on,” basically, in a legal term.

  • Right, so it's like the law,

  • but on a small island where the law operates like American football.

  • This is not on Sark.

  • I should point out for a hue and cry,

  • all able-bodied men, upon hearing the shouts, were obliged to assist.

  • Oh, that sounds like so much fun.

  • This is the hue and cry, though, this is not Clameur de haro.

  • A-r-r-o-w?

  • No, h-a-r-o.

  • Oh.

  • This is kind of the opposite.

  • This is not going to catch someone, this is to stop someone.

  • Ignore someone.

  • I was going to say, professionally ignoring crimes.

  • Wait, tax haven!

  • Hovercraft, what hovercraft?”

  • It's disguised as a barn, officer!”

  • No, it's disguised as a load of money.

  • Is that a formal way of saying,

  • Geroff my land!”?

  • Yeah, go on.

  • It's not, “Get off my land,” but yes, it is a formal Thing that you Do.

  • This is annoying me, because I half know this.

  • It's some kind of judicial process where

  • you effectively bring someone in front of the king

  • to adjudge on a land case or something like that, isn't it?

  • It is, it's a very specific process.

  • The procedure is performed on one's knees.

  • Steady everyone.

  • Before at least two witnesses,

  • in the presence of the wrongdoer,

  • and in the location of the offence.

  • All right?

  • The Criant, the person complaining,

  • with his hand in the air must call out,

  • Hear me, hear me, hear me.

  • Come to my aid, my prince, for someone does me wrong.”

  • - Yes. - That's a hell of a safe word.

  • Try speaking that through the orange, yeah!

  • Followed by reciting what well-known thing in French?

  • Lord's prayer.

  • Yes, absolutely right.

  • It's been done recently, this.

  • - Yes it has. - This is why I've heard of it,

  • it's because it's in some kind of land dispute,

  • and it's something like a hedge or a garage or something like that,

  • and the guy is basically on the verge of losing the case,

  • and as one final, basically, legal dick move just dropped to his knees and did that.

  • And everyone went, “Oh, s***, that's still enforced.”

  • That kind of thing.

  • What happens after the Lord's prayer is recited?