Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

  • Joining me today, he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel.

  • [MUFFLED BY COFFEE] Hello.

  • Drinking coffee. I timed that really...

  • Prioritise, prioritise baby.

  • Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

  • And so the man says to the lady, "I'll have another go, but I don't know if I can fit another bread roll up my ass!"

  • Now, now the question is, I know Gary was planning to prep lines for this series.

  • And the bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray

  • Series five. Welcome!

  • In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

  • Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].

  • And there's a special prize for a particularly good answers, which is ♫[MYSTERY BISCUITS]♫

  • If you've never watched this before, you're in for a treat.

  • Every season we get new people. You... oh my God, the s*** you are about to endure. Let's face it.

  • Today we are talking about the hydraulic telegraph.

  • Holy moly! That's a wet telegram.

  • I, erm, well I'll give you a point. There is water involved.

  • Well yes, there is f***ing water involved!

  • IT'S HYDRAULIC!

  • I'm a moron, I know nothing about science.

  • It's all pissing witchcraft, even I know that bit!

  • And you are still getting a point for it. [DING]

  • Well I won't moan too much then.

  • "Stand in front of the nozzle to receive your message."

  • On that point...

  • "Aunt Mildred says hello, but I don't want to tell you what she's been up to."

  • On that point yesterday, I genuinely, this is a genuine story.

  • I saw a coach company called Morse Coaches. Right?

  • That's good.

  • It was reversing, but I couldn't understand why the beeping noise was just saying 'S' repeatedly.

  • It was probably just saying 'eeeeee'!

  • The thing is, we all pedanted your Morse code there, in different ways.

  • He's like, "that's E". I'm like, "no that's T, that's a long one".

  • Surely it could say "Warning! This vehicle is reversing!" in Morse, is what I was what I was thinking.

  • People wouldn't move out of the way. They would be too busy trying to read it.

  • W... A... R... N... [THUD]

  • You committed to that hit there.

  • I did. I did, I did, I did, yeah.

  • It wasn't Morse code.

  • Not any version of it.

  • Flags!

  • Little tin flags or something. Metal flags that would pop up.

  • So it spells out the message.

  • You're thinking of the optical telegraph.

  • I'm thinking of an optical telegraph powered by water, thank you very much.

  • Ooh! I'm going to give you a point for that. [DING]

  • - Ooh! - Fountains?

  • No.

  • No. How would you... There are flags and there is water.

  • And this is... First of all, let me clue you in.

  • And there are shoes! And there are boxes.

  • And there are houses... And there are doors.

  • And orang-utans.

  • There are also oranges.

  • Today we have the handle on nouns.

  • - There are two versions of this... - Hello children.

  • Welcome along.

  • Today we are learning about things.

  • Today we are learning about flags.

  • And there is water.

  • And shoes.

  • And there are antelope.

  • Goodbye. We'll see you next week.

  • Goodbye.

  • I don't think we can really explain what Tom is though, without adjectives.

  • Are you done(?)

  • Probably not, but you know, have another go.

  • That's the most exasperated look you've ever done.

  • "Are you done, children(?)"

  • Anyway.

  • Is it some kind of coastal system for getting messages out into the water, by sending...

  • different pressures to pop up things, that would spell out a message?

  • Yeah, I'll give you the point there [DING].

  • - I'll definitely give you the point. - So it's Pop Up Pirate, but telegraph?

  • Sounds like it, yeah.

  • When do you think this was?

  • 19th century. Everything was iron and hydraulic then.

  • - Right. - Ooh, steady.

  • This is not the version we are talking about. There is a 19th century version. Again, I'll give you a point [DING].

  • But, I'm going to come to that later.

  • Is this the mid 90s version in Eureka, in Halifax?

  • Ooh!

  • I mean...

  • Northern reference.

  • I get... I went there.

  • Specific northern reference.

  • - We all went. - We all went as kids, to Eureka

  • It's still there as far as I know.

  • - It is still there. - But I didn't know they had a hydraulic telegraph?

  • Neither do I, but if there was somewhere that would have one.

  • They had a massive Archimedes screw on the ceiling.

  • Lucky Archimedes.

  • Wait! We are talking about Archimedes, we are pretty much in the right area.

  • Ah! So Greco-Roman

  • Yeah! Fourth century BC Greece.

  • Yeah! [DING] Point.

  • I'm trying to imagine a fourth century Greece. I'm just trying to put Greased Lightning into Latin,

  • and I'm failing badly, at the minute.

  • Well if you can't none of us have got a chance.

  • Hang on, hang on. He's studied Latin.

  • Classical education.

  • It's been more than a decade since I got my GCSE in Latin now.

  • Can you manage, "I've got chills, they're multiplying"?

  • Probably not.

  • - Habeat... - Yes.

  • Chillea..?

  • Er.

  • - Frig... frig... - Expandero!

  • Habeat frigits... frigidare-something.

  • Et saeu... erm, multiplicanus. Or something like that.

  • Multiplicanus est. Yeah. Yeah.

  • Corrections in the comments, for all of you YouTube watchers who know Latin.

  • So. Ancient Greece

  • Yes.

  • There are two signal towers, on two hills. With two identical tubs of water.

  • How do they get them to both show the same message?

  • Inscriptions on the side of the tub of water. How do they get them to synchronise?

  • Gentle and well timed piddling?

  • Oh, I'm so tempted to give you a point.

  • Gentle and well timed horse piddling.

  • No, they're not putting water in.

  • Gentle Piddling is a village isn't it?

  • It's in the Cotswolds.

  • You're thinking of Much-Piddling-on-the-Wold, there.

  • They let some out? They let some water out with a tap or something like that.

  • Yes, a spigot.

  • [DING] Ooh! What else!

  • And did they have a tube from the bottom of one, to the bottom of the other? So it auto levelled.

  • No. That's the British system that comes later. So I'll give you a point [DING].

  • But, that's not how they synchronised between two far away hills.

  • Men yelling?

  • Mobile phones?

  • No, it can't be something else, because the water is the communication method.

  • Or is that storing the message?

  • Hang on, we never actually established that this water is any method of communication.

  • At the minute we just have two towers that let some water out occasionally.

  • Yeah, and there's things inscribed on little bowls.

  • - OK. - Where the water comes out.

  • So how do you get both sides to time when they're taking the plug out and putting it back in again?

  • Lights?

  • Mmm, fourth century BC?

  • Candles?

  • I mean it's a big candle.

  • Fire! Bonfire!

  • There we go. [DING]

  • - 'Cos that's the way they used to communicate anyway. - Big candle.

  • Big candle! Bonfire.

  • "Big candle!"

  • Why the water? They lit fires anyway.

  • Because a bonfire can only send one signal.

  • "I'm on fire!"

  • "By, it's warm out t'day!"

  • It can send two signals.

  • "I'm not on fire."

  • - That's true. - On and off.

  • Yeah, well that's how they did it. [DING]

  • Binary.

  • Unplug. Off. Put it back in. What's the message? You both read down your bowls.

  • Bowl says "I'm on fire!"

  • Must be a big bowl.

  • They said an earthenware bowl. The depth being some three cubits.

  • What the hell is a cubit?

  • -- It's about there... -- There to there, innit?

  • Oh! Yes, absolutely. Have a point. [DING] I was going to look up 'cubit definition' there, but that's roughly right.

  • - Has he got two dancing cubits? - Those are my cubits, baby!

  • Oh God!

  • So yeah, about... yea big. and presumably draining quite slowly so they can synchronise...

  • "Please send chips", or whatever... the Greek equivalent of that is.

  • Pita!

  • Yeah.

  • Half way down, one of them is just that laughing and crying emoji.

  • Drama!

  • "LOL."

  • Smiling poo.

  • It's halfway between ROFL and LOL. I don't know where we stand on this?

  • ROL.

  • He's sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth a bit.

  • No, its not that, it's like anything where you use LOL

  • You see it reach LOL on the watermark, you look over, he's just sat there, doing that.

  • - Slight intake of breath. - You just see...

  • I don't know why I had this ancient Greek man looking at his phone.

  • Cause that's what they used to communicate, I just said!

  • LOL has fallen out of fashion now though. It is just emojis now.

  • People don't type LOL as much.

  • The amount... it's one of those kind of things, isn't it,

  • where people who aren't used to emojis yet, keep using the laughing and crying one.

  • - For actual crying. - Yeah!

  • Which changes the tone of a message, like

  • "I'm sorry to hear your aunt's died."

  • And then have the crying with laughter emoji on it.

  • Well, it's like the parents who thought LOL meant lots of love.

  • Yes! That happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • "Sorry to hear you broke your ankle, LOL."

  • But...

  • That's like MSN messenger was.

  • Remember MSN Messenger, everybody?

  • No they don't! Some of them are too young for it!

  • It was like Facebook messenger...only s***er.

  • You would wait all night for your friend to appear, and they may not.

  • So there was an idea.

  • As I think you said, British 19th century.

  • Yes.

  • For two connected tubes.

  • Tu-u-bes! ♫

  • I don't know why I said it like that

  • Tubes. ♫

  • Um, and the idea was, you would put in water or take out water and it would synchronise at the other side.

  • What were some of the problems with that system?

  • Putting the tube in, in the first place?

  • I'll give you a point. [DING] It was £200 a mile. Which in 1838 money, is a lot of money.

  • Compared to just sending a messenger.

  • They would have to be made out of copper or something expensive.

  • - Oh yeah. - Rather than just PVC tube from Wickes.

  • Yeah.

  • - That's a hardware store. - Cast iron was often used for hydraulic tubes.

  • 'Cos they could take the pressure.

  • What distance are we talking? Are we talking like over a dock, or over London?

  • Cause London was basically hydraulically powered up until the 1920s.

  • Oh that's true.

  • London had a big hydraulic power system.

  • So, if it's over London...

  • You should explain how that works.

  • Well you just had big accumulators. So big towers would be used to store the pressure.

  • And it would be used for moving lifts, for goods lifts, for cranes.

  • It would be powered off a central hydraulic power system.

  • - Cool. - With pipes all over London.

  • And they're still... I think they're used as cable runs now.

  • Under London. It was a huge London wide system. Especially using the docks, with dock gates,

  • and cranes and lifts and other things that need... powering left and hither and yon.

  • Like dumb waiters in hotels.

  • So they just have a massive water tank at the centre of the system, that created...

  • Well several tanks, yeah.

  • ...created the pressure. That gets pumped through.

  • And you can use some pressure if you wanted?

  • Yeah!

  • For the love of God, will somebody Biscuits that man!

  • ♫[MYSTERY BISCUITS]♫

  • That's fair. That's fair, thank you for reminding me to Biscuit that.

  • First Biscuits of the season.

  • Yes, that was part of the problem.

  • The inventor was a Mr. Francis Whishaw.