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  • is he a tall child immortal, the embodiment of chaotic evil or the man who murdered Princess Diana?

  • That's up to you, and my dad pulled into the drive through and we started cheering.

  • And then he ordered one black coffee for himself.

  • Welcome to watch Mojo.

  • And today we're counting down our picks for the top 10 funniest times.

  • John Mulaney was funny.

  • The passwords have passed, you've correctly guessed.

  • But now it's time for the robot test.

  • I've devised the question no robots could ever answer.

  • Which of these pictures does not have a stop sign in it for this list?

  • We're looking exclusively at memorable moments from Elaine Ease, resplendent standup career.

  • Excluding his time on Saturday Night Live, I mean a lot to a small group of people Number 10 a proud Asian American woman.

  • And every time they bang the gong, all the kids sitting in front of me would stand up, turn to me and bow like that, which is some racist ass bullshit but also incredibly well coordinated.

  • Childhood is full of merciless teasing from your peers, and Mulaney was no exception to that rule.

  • His inherent geekiness aside, Mulaney was also scrutinized as an Asian American for a good chuck this school life, despite being born to Irish Catholic parents.

  • When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian American.

  • And the biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian America, though, To be honest, it is hard to rebuff the visuals.

  • Mulaney revels in recalling the relentless teasing for something so inaccurate and how it informed his subsequent fear of 13 year olds with their uncanny ability to go straight to the root of peoples insecurities.

  • Just looking at how wasted man he got feminine hips and I'm like, sensitive about.

  • Fortunately, Mulaney is able to laugh about it now and even take some pride in it when recalling being mistaken for a woman by a blockbuster clerk over the phone.

  • I am a proud Asian American woman on You will treat me with respect.

  • I am a Tiger mom Number nine.

  • The accidental prostate exam I went the Thief Healthcare system is there for us to use but not abuse.

  • Mulaney learned that the hard way at a checkup when he attempted to fake symptoms to get his hands on a Xanax prescription, get to the front desk and they have a Why are you here?

  • Sheet?

  • And I want to pick something that will get me in and out really quickly.

  • And I looked down and I see frequent urination and I was like, Perfect.

  • The lies he spends about extremely frequent urination lend him in too deep in more ways than one doctor looks at me, says you're being 11 times a day, then you may have something wrong with your prostate.

  • So what we need to do some of you are ahead of May.

  • Unable to backtrack his deceit, Mulaney is robbed of his dignity following the invasive yet routine procedure and proceeds to blackout during the follow up blood test.

  • Upon awakening, the doctor is gone, Mulaney is left with the eccentric nurse, and that window of opportunity is closed.

  • Sometimes I get nervous on airplanes, Batman said.

  • The doctor's gone.

  • It's probably for the best.

  • And while it may not have helped his already high anxiety, Mulaney seems to have learned his lesson.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Number eight.

  • Can I walk you home?

  • Everyone knows that one.

  • Pierre from college, who went on to do big things for Melanie's parents that person was former President Bill Clinton, and also my dad's a much more like, morally upright, conservative kind of guy.

  • He always told me that he hated it in college, that Bill Clinton could quote, Get away with anything.

  • Can you imagine how he felt later?

  • And yes, he was slick Willie back then, too frequently, offering to walk his female classmates back to their dorms.

  • So my mom tells me that Bill Clinton would be out in front of the library every single night, just being like, Hey, can I walk you home?

  • Hey, can I walk you home?

  • Fascinated by his mother's stories of Bill's charisma, Malini can't help but ponder what might have been had his mother taking the opportunity a little further.

  • Mulaney is entire special builds towards his own encounter with Clinton as a young boy, the fundraiser with his mother and despite his father saying otherwise.

  • We have to go see Bill and without looking up at her, my dad just says why?

  • It's not like he's going to remember you.

  • The politician actually remembers Mrs Mulaney fondly, and though we all know why Mulaney puts it best, Bill Clinton turns looks at my mom and says, Hey, Ellen, because he never forgets a bitch ever Number seven, the worst financial decision I ever made.

  • I went to college for the whole time.

  • Holy shit, right.

  • Tuition is expensive, There is no getting around it.

  • And Malini is neither a stranger to it nor able to shake off the injustice of it.

  • The comedian recalls his college getting in touch with him and asking for charity.

  • We want a gift, but only if it's money and breaks them for his audience exactly how generous he'd been to them already.

  • So, roughly speaking, I gave my college about $120,000.

  • Okay, so you might say that I already gave them Ah, $120,000.

  • With repetitive emphasis, Delaney goes over his exchange of 120 grand for an English degree and a string of miserable life experiences before laying into his fellow alumni, who clearly peaked in college.

  • If you're in adults, still giving money to your college college is 100 and $20,000 hooker, and you are an idiot who fell in love with her.

  • It's difficult to say it wasn't worth it.

  • Mulaney has enjoyed a prolific career in the entertainment industry with no signs of slowing down, even if it did cost him.

  • Ah, $120,000.

  • There you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life.

  • I paid 100 and $20,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen, and then I didn't number six real estate agents and Children.

  • They're always so excited to see you, too.

  • As we've seen, Malini has not made his dislike of Children a secret and, along with his wife, is still on the fence regarding having kids of their own.

  • Mulaney muses on the loot across City of real estate television, with three Children and nine on the way and a Max budget of $7.

  • Let's see what Laurie Jo can dio on this week's episode of You Don't Deserve a Beach House.

  • Then not so finally remembers a time that he and his wife were viewing a potential new place, and the Realtor made Cem presumptuous implications for their family future.

  • This is a non fire garbage can could be a nursery spring boarding.

  • From that, he reflects on how awkward his interactions with young Children have been from babies that 0.2 toddlers that haven't learned appropriate conversation yet.

  • Sometimes babies will point it may, and I don't care for that shit at all.

  • No poking fun Malini essentially gift wraps a comforting message that you don't necessarily need Children to have a fulfilling family.

  • Life number five.

  • The Homeless Guy Years ago I was walking down the street and a homeless guy came up to me and he walked out to be any push to me like that.

  • Life in a big city can guarantee anyone of run in with some strange characters and all sorts.

  • But for a comedian, these air blessings in disguise and ripe for harvesting material with this in mind, Mulaney recalls his encounter with a homeless man on the streets and the odd order in which he chose to list his characteristics.

  • Excuse me.

  • I am homeless.

  • I am gay.

  • I have AIDS.

  • Um, new in town.

  • A CZ concerned as any would be with the irrelevant information he's been presented with.

  • Mulaney proceeds to dissect this man's thought process with the masterful, pedantic schism he's known for Bush.

  • But I will say I'm new in town.

  • No, no, Hold back, Hold back.

  • Save it.

  • What happened to the gentleman beyond their encounter remains a mystery.

  • But based on what we were told, you can probably piece it together like I have a friend was like, There's no single guys left in Manhattan.

  • I'm like I know someone who's new in town.

  • Three other things about him Number four Detective J.

  • J.

  • Bitten Binder.

  • By the way, Detective J.

  • J.

  • Bitten Binder wore three piece suits.

  • He also wore a pocket watch two years in a row.

  • He wore a cowboy hat.

  • He also had a huge handle bar mustache.

  • Children's safety is a concern for any good school, but someone was a little too overzealous when they looked up.

  • J.

  • J Bitten Binder.

  • Time for street Smarts with Detective J.

  • J.

  • Bitten Binder.

  • Shut up!

  • You're all gonna die.

  • Streets Nice.

  • That was the General tone.

  • Mulaney School would host this eccentric, violent crimes expert annually and he would not hold back in making sure Children knew exactly what to do when not if they're abducted.

  • Teaching them an assortment of skills.

  • That was a big thing with bitten Binder was throwing pedophiles off the river.

  • The detectives advice clearly had an effect on young Mulaney, who as an adult is still terrified not only of abduction but also the concept of secondary locations.

  • If I'm at a place, I never want to go to another place to make things worse.

  • Been Binder got wind of Blaney's original stand up and was not overly impressed with them tarnishing his good name.

  • He was like the three piece suits.

  • Yeah, I never wore the cowboy hat to schools.

  • Well, at least Malini knows how to distract him should their paths cross again.

  • You want it?

  • Okay, Number three.

  • The one thing you can't replace and he says to me, Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?

  • And I said, No, you know, like a liar In a story that sounds like it came right out of a Judd Apatow movie, Delaney chronicles a high school party at the house of one of his least favorite teachers while he was away, and the havoc that was inflicted in the name of that ate another kid found out which room was Mr McNamara's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.

  • So the party was going great.

  • An army of drunk students proceeded to destroy the house so responsible for property damage.

  • In both provocation and evasion of police, Malini discovers the worst thing that happened that night was something he wasn't even responsible for the theft of antique family photographs.

  • And I had that thought that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have.

  • Did I do that?

  • It's only years later he discovers who the culprit actually Waas and the chaotic motivations behind it.

  • And Alex said, Because it's the one thing you can't replace, we'll know teens will absolutely drink under age if they can, but that that's all kinds of evil.

  • Number two ah horse in the hospital, it's like there's a horse loose in a hospital.

  • I think eventually everything's gonna be okay, but I have no idea what's gonna happen next.

  • Every comedian has had something to say about Donald Trump in his presidency, but none describes the absurd uneasiness of life under this presidency, as Mulaney is colorful analogy of Trump is a horse roaming around a hospital horse used the elevator.

  • I didn't know he knew how to do that, Even with his own admission that he tries not to dabble in political affairs.

  • He is still able to provide a creative commentary on Trump's administration, his supporters, his policies and even the tensions with North Korea, all under the suitably absurd blanket of an animal wandering the halls of an infirmary with not a single clue as to what he's gonna do next.

  • And then 10 seconds later, the horse is like, I'm gonna run, put the baby incubators and smash it with my hooves.

  • I got nice homes in a long tail.

  • I'm a horse.

  • It is a master class on political comedy.

  • Done well.

  • How come you open the door for the force?

  • May go well, The hospital was inefficient.

  • I mean, I know we all know this, but I love Mulaney zb it on back to the future, even though he's not the most on board with the movie.

  • But anyway, let's look through some honorable mentions where I guess they could be on fire garbage cans before we get to our number one pick.

  • If you think it's your favorite, let's see, in terms of like instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

  • I don't look older.

  • I just look worse.

  • I think, honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like Hey, look at that man.

  • I think they're just like, Whoa, that tall child looks terrible.

  • Get some rest, all child.

  • You can't keep burning the candle at both ends.

  • Jagger talked like this.

  • He'd go.

  • Yes, now, Jase, I pitched him a joke and he went No fun, eh?

  • No.

  • Get away from my wife.

  • No one talked to my wife.

  • Marriage is going to be very magical.

  • I didn't kill my wife, that's why.

  • Who's that fell out.

  • I bet he did kill his wife.

  • And when one feels like a duck, what is happy?

  • And then Mary yelled, Oh, ducklings!

  • To which Mr Finch replied, too old to be a duckling, quack, quack, and then walked into his office.

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  • Number one, the Sultan Pepper Diner.

  • So we put in $7 and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones is What's New, Pussycat?

  • The simplest practical jokes are often the best has demonstrated beautifully when a young John and his friend walked into a diner with a handful of coins and wreaked glorious anarchy.

  • The fourth time it plays, You're either thinking, Whoa, someone just played What's new, Pussycat?

  • Four times, Or at least someone played it twice, and it's a really long song.

  • The two young boys cued up a seemingly endless cycle of plays of the Tom Jones classic What's New Pussycat before retreating to their boost to watch the confusion and anger unfold on the faces of fellow diners for the next hour.

  • Then I don't know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly.

  • What God damn it!

  • It's a harmless yet effective prank on its own, but the stroke of genius came with the decision to insert a single play of It's not unusual into the mix, feeding the victims with a false sense of hope that their nightmare was over.

  • Scientists have wondered, Can you make grown men and women weep?

  • Tears of joy by playing Tom Jones is, it's not unusual, and the answer is yes, you can provided that it is preceded by seven.

  • What's new Pussycats?

  • My, my, my Mulaney Why, why?

  • Why Mulaney?

  • Do you agree with our picks?

  • Check out this other recent clip from Watch Mojo and be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to be notified about our latest videos.

is he a tall child immortal, the embodiment of chaotic evil or the man who murdered Princess Diana?

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ジョン・ムラニーが面白かった時のトップ10 (Top 10 Funniest Times John Mulaney Was Funny)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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