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  • What if you could free yourself from expectations?

  • What if you could get really clear on the life that you want to live?

  • And what if you could live that life?

  • It was a cold, frosty morning, and the sun was just trying to break through a layer of cloud that was just hanging above the trees.

  • As I stepped out onto the front yard of a farm, the frozen grass crunched underneath my feet across the yard.

  • I could see our tractor, and it was hitched to the back of our family car with a short rope.

  • I knew the routine.

  • My job was to be on the tractor as it was towed down the driveway.

  • To start, I had to let the clutch out at just the right time and then jump on the brakes when the tractor fired toe life to avoid running into the back of the car.

  • On this particular morning, let's just say I wasn't on my game.

  • So as the track defied to life into the back of the car, I went.

  • Now, it would be fair to say that my dad, who was driving the car, was not happy at this point.

  • he got out of the car, looked at me and went, which just proves you don't have to say anything to be able to swear in Italian.

  • What are you doing?

  • Be more careful.

  • And he was right to have those expectations on me because at that point had been driving for two years already, except that at that time I was seven years old.

  • Now, when you grow up on a farm and when you grow up in a migrant, family expectations are just part of the deal.

  • In fact, I don't know.

  • Have you ever been to one of those Japanese restaurants, the teppanyaki restaurants, where the shifts make the omelet and then they shoot it at you?

  • That's pretty much have expectations were served up at my house like that, and they weren't just about driving tractors.

  • The expectations when something like this work hard at school, got a university, get a good job, doctor, lawyer, get married, produce grandchildren by a house, paid off, retired die.

  • That's pretty much the life plan, except that I had a different secret dream.

  • You see, I didn't want that life.

  • I wanted to speak more specifically.

  • I wanted to be a radio deejay.

  • And so I would listen to my heroes on the radio, and I would go to my little room on the farm and I would practice.

  • I'd be in there like this.

  • 25 degrees in Milton.

  • Take another 45 minutes.

  • Nonstop music coming out right after the break.

  • Don't go away.

  • Oh, yeah?

  • Uh huh.

  • I was pretty cool.

  • And this was my dream to be on the radio.

  • And one day I mustered up the courage to tell my parents what I wanted to be when I grow up.

  • And, of course, they reacted.

  • Well, they went.

  • They said, Don't be ridiculous.

  • You can't just get a job on the radio.

  • People who do that work are born for that kind of job.

  • Wow.

  • Okay, so I was kind of shattered for a while, but luckily I didn't take that at face value.

  • Instead, I went into a little bit of research, so I went to the source off all knowledge and wisdom.

  • At that time, the Yellow Pages in book form and I discovered something.

  • Here's what I discovered.

  • In fact, you don't have to be born to be a radio deejay.

  • There are radio schools where you can go and you can learn the skills and you can become a radio deejay.

  • And that's exactly what I did.

  • And from my first job in radio, the world of speaking was opened up to me.

  • And that's taking me on an incredible journey over 20 plus years to 13 or more countries so far.

  • And I'm so grateful that I didn't follow the path that was laid out for me.

  • Don't misunderstand me.

  • My parents were hard working, wonderful people who only wanted the best for us.

  • And perhaps part of the reason they are projecting those expectations onto us is because they didn't have those same opportunities in the course of their life and as a parent.

  • Now I understand that we all have expectations and we look at the world through that lens and we project those expectations onto everything around us.

  • The weight of expectations come from we're not born with them, you know a newborn baby doesn't lay awake thinking man, I really should be more successful by now, right?

  • In simple terms that come from three areas.

  • They come from the people close to us.

  • They come from people we see in the world and observe, and they come from our own experience.

  • The scientists tell us that for the 1st 7 years or so of our lives, we are effectively unconscious.

  • The brain's like a big sponge, and it just soaks up everything around us.

  • And so if you grew up in a home that is loving and supportive, you come to expect that if you grew up in a home where money is tight, you learn that money is difficult to get, and perhaps that wealth is impossible.

  • If you grew up in a home where opportunities are scarce, you learn that it's hard to get ahead, and these beliefs become part of our programming that become part of the operating system for a brain.

  • And we carry those with us all the way through life, and we form our expectations around these beliefs.

  • The second place we get our expectations from is the world around us, and sometimes the people we see actually help us move towards their own goals.

  • There was a time when running a mile in under four minutes was considered impossible.

  • In fact, the experts said, if you even tried it was likely to kill you.

  • In 1954 Roger Bannister proved them wrong.

  • He ran one mile in three minutes 59.4 seconds and broke a record that had been standing for nine years now.

  • When he did that, he didn't just break the record.

  • He actually reset the expectations off the world in terms of what was possible for running a mile.

  • Interestingly, Bannister's record was broken just a few weeks later.

  • Bye, nosy, in fact, by the name of John Landy.

  • And since then, a whole host of runners have shaved almost 17 seconds off that best time.

  • So when expectations rose and it became possible, we saw that it was possible and we did it and more.

  • The third place we get our expectations from is from our own experience.

  • And as we travel through life and we have the experiences we have, we form beliefs and expectations around those experiences.

  • I was recently speaking and event about money, mindset and and wealth creation, and afterwards are speaking with a woman who said, You know, many years ago I invested and I lost all of my money, and I know that I should invest.

  • But in my mind investing no matter hello.

  • The risk is always tainted with that fear of failure, that embarrassment off, losing everything.

  • And so in her mind, justifiably based on her experience, her expectation was, if I invest again, I will lose.

  • How do we deal with this?

  • How do we actually form expectations that will take us where we want to go in life.

  • We have to be careful because expectations actually worked predominantly.

  • Subconsciously, they're sneaky.

  • They don't state their intentions.

  • They work on our subconscious.

  • Let me give an example of how this works.

  • Many years ago, there was a study by a scientist by the name of Rosenthal, who went into a school.

  • And did I.

  • Q tests on all of the Children in each of the classes.

  • He then gave the teacher of each class of list off those Children that, based on their I Q test, we're most likely to succeed when most likely to be academically strong during that year.

  • Now here's the twist.

  • The list off the smart kids that the teachers got chosen completely at random had nothing to do with the I.

  • Q.

  • Tests had nothing to do with how smart they were, just a random bunch of kids that the teachers thought or the smart kids when they looked again later in the year, that group of Children had performed the best academically in the class.

  • How does that happen?

  • Why?

  • Well, it turns out that based on the teacher's expectation of that child being smart, that there would subconsciously change their behaviors towards their child.

  • They would give them more attention.

  • They would smile more.

  • They'd asked them better questions that give them more detailed explanations.

  • And as a result, that child performed well as expected.

  • So expectations are not just passive.

  • They actually help us to form the outcomes that we're looking for.

  • But how do you start to understand which expectations are working for you and which ones are not?

  • We will have expectations, but really, do we lay them out and examine each one and say, Is this working for me?

  • Always this working against me?

  • I believe this process starts with asking ourselves very, very simple but important question.

  • And the question is this.

  • What do I want to be known for?

  • If we're clear on that question, if we know what we want to be known for if we know what contribution we want to make.

  • If we know how we want to make our mark on the world, it becomes easier than to take all the expectations that we carry with us through life.

  • Lay them on the kitchen table and decide which of those are serving and which of those are not.

  • And some of them we'll have to slide them off the edge of the table.

  • Just let them fall to the floor and not take them on the journey and perhaps says we're on that journey.

  • We may have to form some new expectations and some new beliefs that will actually help us get there.

  • We have a short time to make their mark on the world, so I'll leave you with this before they tie your toe tag on and put you in a box.

  • You're like to shine nevermore.

  • There's one important question.

  • Your life's magic.

  • It unlocks.

  • What do you want to be known for?

What if you could free yourself from expectations?

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何のために有名になりたいのか?| ジョン・ディ・ナターレ|TEDxDocklands (What Do You Want To Be Known For? | John Di Natale | TEDxDocklands)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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