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  • Hello, Welcome to another Eilts writing video.

  • Today we're looking at the topics of cohesion and coherence and how we can use thes to maximize our writing skills.

  • If you find this lesson helpful, I encourage you to visit my blawg at I'll.

  • I'll start calm.

  • We will begin today's lesson by defining cohesion and coherence.

  • Cohesion is basically the manner in which ideas in writing connect together.

  • Coherence is a measure of the readers ability to clearly understand what has been written by the writer.

  • I have defined thes here to allow you to take some notes.

  • Cohesion refers to the ability a piece of writing has to link ideas together in a logical manner.

  • Proper cohesion makes it easy for a reader to understand the argument and logical progression of the writers position.

  • So cohesion helps the reader understand how the writers ideas are connected and how the writer is logically structuring their argument.

  • Coherence is the ability of a writer's writing to retain meaning and be composed in a manner that is understandable.

  • Keyword writing that is dramatically flawed or presents irrelevant ideas lacks coherence.

  • Writing with cohesion and coherence is a skill that can greatly improve the quality of your composition.

  • Now, to help illustrate how to use cohere, cohesion and coherence in your writing, I have included a few examples.

  • In the following example, we're looking at a paragraph that lax cohesion notice how the sentences are grammatically correct and easy to understand.

  • Yet do not linked to one another in any appearance.

  • Wait, so what you will see in this next example Paragraph is a paragraph that has some coherence but is lacking in cohesion.

  • So the ideas air There, there, there's there's somewhat clear, but they're not very well linked together.

  • And when we read it, it's difficult for us to follow the logic of the writer.

  • Here we go.

  • Modern lifestyles do not cater to human health.

  • People who get less than six hours of sleep per night often miss two more work days per year due to illness than the average worker.

  • Sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • Modern lifestyles dictate people sleep less.

  • Modern lifestyles are increasingly becoming a hindrance to health.

  • Now there may be a few new words in their precursor.

  • Precursor is something that is the cause of something else.

  • So here we have sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • So if you get enough sleep, this will cause you to have good health.

  • Down here we have the word hindrance.

  • Hindrance is something that is damaging or something that causes another thing to decline in level of quality, modern lifestyles are increasingly becoming a hindrance to human health.

  • What we see in this example is a supporting paragraph in an essay.

  • Now, what you probably noticed was that the argument has to do with modern lifestyles, and it appears to be connecting modern lifestyles, uh, to a decline in overall human health.

  • Now, to prove that this is true, this paragraph presents the example which is a lack of sleep.

  • If you look up here, we see this example.

  • People who get less than six hours of sleep often miss two more work days per year due to illness than the average worker.

  • So the writer is using this point to prove that mortar lifestyles are not good for human beings.

  • The problem here is that the sentences don't connect together.

  • It's difficult to see that logical conclusion.

  • What this paragraph needs is cohesion.

  • When we read this first sentence, this topic sentence modern lifestyles.

  • You not cater to human health people who get less than six hours of sleep per night.

  • Blah, blah, blah, thes.

  • Two sentences do not share a connection.

  • It sounds like we're talking about two totally different topics.

  • We need to show a reader how our ideas connect together and how they prove the overall argument of her paragraph and ultimately, our essay.

  • So now I would like to work with you together and let's inject some cohesion into this paragraph.

  • Now, assuming this is the first of our two or three supporting paragraphs, you may wish to write a phrase like Firstly, now some people might think, Well, that's, you know, everybody rates firstly, but it makes a big difference.

  • Connects.

  • It shows us that this is not the first paragraph.

  • Interesting.

  • This is connected to an idea that was presented before it, and when the reader reads this, they will feel that connection.

  • Firstly, modern lifestyles do not cater to human health.

  • Now we want to show that this is an example that connects to this topic sentence, and the easiest way to do that is just too clearly state that it is an example.

  • For example, comma people who get less than six hours of sleep.

  • So now here, When the reader reads this, for example, they know that this is a sentence that is connected to the sentence before it.

  • This is an example of how modern lifestyles do not cater to human health.

  • So now these two sentences have some cohesion together.

  • Okay, so we give our example.

  • For example, people who get less than six hours of sleep per night often miss two more work days per year due to illness than the average worker.

  • Now, this example shows that if you don't get enough sleep, you're going to be sick.

  • We make the points.

  • Sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • But here we need some another cohesive phrase to show the link between this example and the conclusion that we're drawing.

  • So we need something like this makes it's clear that sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • Okay, so now when we read this sentence, we see the word this.

  • What is this talking about?

  • It's talking about this entire example.

  • This example makes it clear that sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • Do you see?

  • No.

  • Now the sentence is connected to the one before it and the argument is becoming more logical and clearer to the reader.

  • Now we come to kind of the conclusion area of this paragraph.

  • What we're trying to do is we're trying to show that this example, which is the lack of sleep, comes as a result of a modern lifestyle.

  • So people who are engaged in border lifestyles typically get less sleep.

  • Thus, we could make the conclusion that modern lifestyles are connected to a decrease in health.

  • Now, what you see here is modern lifestyles dictates people sleep less.

  • Now this sentence is saying modern lifestyles dictate, which means kind of force people to get less sleep.

  • Now that's a very useful sentence.

  • But the problem is it doesn't really connect to the ideas that we've presented before it.

  • Then we continue on.

  • We say modern lifestyles are increasingly becoming a hindrance to human health.

  • Okay, so two sentences.

  • They both mentioned modern lifestyles and they're both not not very not not clear in their connection to the rest of the paragraph, so we might rephrase them by connecting them to the conclusion that we've drawn regarding sleep with a word like thus.

  • And perhaps we could say something like this as modern lifestyles.

  • Uh, just take this old heater.

  • Thus, as modern lifestyles, it's dictate people sleep less coma.

  • No reason to start a new sentence.

  • The connection.

  • Modern lifestyles.

  • Take this out.

  • The connection modern lifestyles have to to the damaging of human health is obvious.

  • Okay, so now don't forget.

  • So we had a sentence before this That said, sleep.

  • A lack of sleep is a precursor to poor health.

  • Thus, as modern lifestyles dictate, people sleep less.

  • So here we're making the connection back to modern lifestyles.

  • Modern lifestyles force people to sleep less because of this.

  • Thus, the connection modern lifestyles have to the damaging of human health is obvious.

  • So what we're showing is modern lifestyles caused people to sleep less.

  • If you sleep less, this causes you to be in poor health.

  • So logically there is a connection between modern lifestyles and poor health.

  • Now, one other thing I'll point out here is that way mentioned modern lifestyles twice in the same sentence.

  • And we might want to change that to perhaps something like connection.

  • They have to the damaging of human health is obvious.

  • Let's read the paragraph one last time, and I think you will agree that the manner and ease with which we can see the writers logic is now much more clear.

  • Firstly, modern lifestyles do not cater to human health.

  • For example, people who get less than six hours of sleep per night often miss two more work days per year due to illness than the average worker.

  • This makes it clear that sleep is an important precursor to health.

  • Thus, as modern lifestyles dictate, people sleep less.

  • The connection they have to the damaging of human health is obvious.

  • Okay, now we're going to look at a paragraph that lacks coherence.

  • Before we do, I I would like to share with you a few ideas of mine that you might want to take note of.

  • Often, students lack coherence in there writing simply because their basic grammatical foundation is weak.

  • Take this following example here we have a paragraph that makes efforts to link its sentences cohesively but lacks in basic coherence.

  • So what you'll see in this next paragraph is that the student tried to link the ideas together, using cohesive phrases just like the ones we just used, such as Firstly, for example, this makes it clear thus, but the basic coherence of their sentences is lacking, and it makes it very difficult to understand what the student is trying to say and what they're trying to argue.

  • So as we read through this paragraph, try to make a mental note of why this paragraph lacks in coherence.

  • Why is it difficult to understand?

  • Secondly, the lifestyle of a modern people must avoid to not eating healthy foods.

  • For example, fast food restaurants such as McDonald's make health worse.

  • Because of this, eating healthy food should to be the only one.

  • Also because of this fast food should not be eating.

  • Okay, I'm sure that you have probably come up with a few ideas of your own.

  • Why this paragraph is difficult to understand.

  • Now I would like to share with you four points.

  • Um, the four reasons why I think the four main reasons why I think this paragraph blacks and coherence Now the 1st 1 is, of course, grammar.

  • If you look at paragraph, it's is riddled with grammar mistakes.

  • They are everywhere.

  • I'm gonna point out three, but there are many more the 1st 1 has to do with this phrase here.

  • Avoid to not eating healthy foods.

  • Okay, Now, even in this phrase, there are multiple grammar mistakes.

  • But the one I wanted to highlight was just the the sort of double negative that they have happening in the sentence, which they're telling somebody to avoid.

  • And then they're telling them to avoid not doing something.

  • Of course, the easiest way to state this idea would be to simply eat healthy foods, not to avoid, not to eating healthy foods.

  • The second grammar mistake that I often see our students that use motels such as should would could, May might ought to shall will, um, and others.

  • And they follow it with two should to be No.

  • Any time a native person hears someone used the phrase should, too, it is very, very clear that this person does not have good command of the English language.

  • So if you are a student that is regularly using a motile and following it with two, I would strongly suggest not doing that.

  • The third thing comes at the very end here where we have should not be eating.

  • Of course we would have to change that to the participle, which is another call, a mistake that students, you know, commit and particularly, uh, when they make efforts to write passively, which helps you to sound academic.

  • I think it's it's great that they're doing.

  • They're making these efforts, but they have to remember that often.

  • You know, we're writing using, uh, the participle form of the verb, and you have to be careful in this area.

  • So that's my first point grammar now.

  • The second reason I feel that this paragraph lacks in coherence is relating to the example.

  • Now what you see here is, for example, fast food restaurants such as McDonald's make health worse.

  • No, uh, the first thing is that this opening sentence tells people who are living modern lifestyles, that they should eat healthy foods.

  • And then the example says, uh, you know, it talks about, you know, unhealthy food, and it's kind of difficult to see the connection between the two.

  • The main reason why this example is a poor example is because the students presents McDonald's and presents their opinion about McDonald's and tries to use their opinion to prove their argument.

  • So they write, McDonald's make health worse.

  • Now, uh, you know, this is an opinion.

  • Sentences is not a fact.

  • This is the student's opinion about McDonald's.

  • They feel McDonald's makes health worse.

  • It's very difficult to prove what you are stating or what you are arguing by simply using something like your opinion.

  • That's not a good foundation for an argument.

  • So someone who was marking this exam would working this essay would probably say this is not good evidence for the arguments, and it would be considered that the point had not been proven.

  • So basically, to make your example strong, you have to use fax.

  • You have to use relevant facts that proved the arguments that you're making.

  • Okay, uh, my third point is in reference to and illogical statement the only one.

  • Let's read the sentence.

  • Because of this, eating healthy food should to be the only one.

  • This is a mistake.

  • I also see vory often students who make references to the one the only one that would to be honest, A.

  • I don't know what this person is talking about.

  • What is one?

  • Are they saying that healthy food is the best or should be the only foods that people eat are you know, it's not clear.

  • Nobody knows what they're referring to.

  • And of course, when you read this, you know that this person has every poor command of the English language.

  • So if you are a student that is using phrases like the only one, please make efforts to discontinue that.

  • So Number three my point Number three was a logical references, and this is why this paragraph lacks coherence.

  • Points number four is structure.

  • A paragraph that lacks structure is not coherence.

  • There are many, many, many structures for essays many, many different structures.

  • It's important that you use one and used one that is effective, improving your points or discussing the points of others or in completing whatever task you're given here.

  • The student has concluded this paragraph with a recommendation, which is, You know, it's kind of bizarre because it sounds like this.

  • This is an essay that is an argument essay, and it's saying something along the lines off.

  • Modern lifestyles are unhealthy.

  • Do you agree or disagree?

  • Probably something like that.

  • And at the end of this paragraph, instead of stating clearly modern lifestyles, um, tends to cause people two, uh, lied unhealthy or getting down healthy life habits instead of concluding, you know, something that connects to the argument they have concluded with this, which is a recommendation.

  • Also, because of this fast food should not be eaten.

  • So this is not an argument at all.

  • This is a recommendation in this is a very weak way to end.

  • You know, a supporting paragraph in your argument essay.

  • Okay, so structure is very important that you employ a strong structure to help the coherence of your writing.

  • Now, let's go back through this paragraph and improve it sentence by sentence.

  • So, firstly, we have Secondly, the lifestyle of a modern people must avoids two nights eating, Ah, healthy foods.

  • So let's change.

  • This is something like the fast paced lifestyles of, uh uh, A lot of ordered people tends to promote conception of quick foods consumption.

  • Quick, it's that, like, Okay, it's ready.

  • Okay.

  • Secondly, the fast paced lifestyles of modern people tend to promote the consumption of quick foods that lack nourishment.

  • That's the problem here.

  • Hope nothing.

  • Okay, so we're connecting the idea that modern lifestyles leads to poor health.

  • Now we have to prove this, and we do that with an example now the student used an example as we talked about this example is an opinion.

  • It's not really effect.

  • When I read this example, I thought about a movie that I saw, and perhaps you saw this movie as well.

  • It was called, um, Super Size me and what this movie did.

  • Is it?

  • It used fax to prove that the the food that served at McDonald's is not healthy?

  • And if you, if you eat McDonald's to regularly, your health will decline.

  • Now this is a fact.

  • Let's use this movie as our example instead, to show that that these sorts of fast, fast food restaurants, our notes, good lifestyle choices So we have, For example, uh, the acclaimed documentary of Victory Super Size Me proved with coats of shadow, shadow of a doubt the risk McDonald's food poses to human health.

  • Okay, annals take out this.

  • That's a little bit here.

  • Okay, For example, the acclaimed documentary Super Size Me Supersize Me proved without a shadow of a doubt the risk McDonald's food poses to human health.

  • Okay, so now this is a fact.

  • We're saying that I mean, this movie proved that McDonald's is not a healthy lifestyle choice.

  • Now what we have to do is we have to connect this, uh, connect this unhealthy food to modern lifestyles and show that, you know, maybe modern lifestyles kind of they force people to eat this kind of food, and that makes them unhealthy.

  • So there is, You know, we're showing that there's a connection.