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  • This is a picture off island Cootie.

  • Some of you may remember it made global headlines On the morning of September food 2015 Island was three years old and he drowned in the Mediterranean Sea and his body washed up on the shores of Turkey.

  • He, his mother, father and his brother made a treacherous journey from Syria, seeking a safer world for themselves in Europe.

  • One day his father survived.

  • What do you feel when you look at this photo?

  • Do you feel sad?

  • Do you feel overwhelmed?

  • The need to look away.

  • What do you feel?

  • Something else?

  • Do you feel an anger at a world that has created systems that incentivizes this kind of suffering for some people on the planet?

  • For me, when I look at this picture, I feel deep sadness.

  • But I also connect to a deep anger.

  • And if I look at this picture for long enough and think about the context in which little island lived and died, I start thinking about island.

  • I'm thinking about how this happened and why and how can I stop this from happening toe other Children?

  • How can I become a part off the change today I want to talk to you about my lived experience with anger and why I am Breece.

  • Anger as a gift.

  • I know some of you would be like What is that?

  • Because the dominant view about anger, that it is a negative state that we must avoid sick to avoid, control or manage has never really resonated with the because stripped off violence, hatred and bitterness.

  • Anger is just a powerful energy.

  • It is a frequency, and it is a frequency that you can access on DDE.

  • This frequency has become one of my most profound teachers.

  • Recently, scientists in 2003 and 2010 actually started researching a new dimension off empathy.

  • They call it empathic anger on the voice.

  • Scientists made a distinction between feeling sad because someone is suffering empathic sadness and feeling angry because someone else's suffering.

  • And what those scientists found was that when you feel angry for what someone else is suffering, that is actually more of a predictor off pro social behavior that goes beyond alleviating the suffering off the individual and goes toward how do I prevent future harm Now, why am I standing here before you talking to you about anger on DDE baking it such a big part of my life's work to research the neuro science off anger.

  • I am not a neuroscientist.

  • I am not a psychologist.

  • I am not even a counselor.

  • And I could go on with a list of how many things I am not.

  • I am a lawyer and I am a social entrepreneur and no working with innovators and professionals to bring about systemic change.

  • So where did it start for me?

  • I remember I was about five years old.

  • Andi, my mother was taking my brother and I He was six.

  • My brother Danielle, and she was taking us out and I was excited to go to my mom on Dhe.

  • We were walking out the gate and she was holding us each of us in one of her hands and on Dhe.

  • I'm looking up at home thinking how beautiful she waas She had this beach sand complexion, skin and jet long black hair street flowing behind her back.

  • And she had a part in the middle of her head the way they used to wear in the seventies.

  • And, yes, I'm revealing my age there, but she was beautiful, and I remember looking up at home looking at my little chocolate hand in who creamy a one and thinking I wonder if I'm going to grow up to be like who to look like you.

  • And it seemed to me in that moment when I was having that thought and may have completed the memories in past.

  • But in my mind in that moment, my mother stopped walking to end around, stooped down, drew us in to each other to her.

  • She was eyeball to eyeball with her.

  • She's looking at us and she says she has a little smile on her face and she says, Hey, guys, don't call me mommy, Okay?

  • Call me Auntie Coffee.

  • She must have seen something in us because neither my brother and I said anything.

  • We didn't even look at each other because she quickly added, Oh, because I don't want anyone to know I have Children as old as you.

  • Even back then, at five, something about that reason for not calling her mummy didn't ring true to me.

  • You see, I am from Trinidad into Beagle with which is a twin island state in the English speaking Caribbean and our two major ethnic groups off East Indian descent and of African descent.

  • The Africans were brought there as sleeves and after emancipation, the East Indians will brought us indentured laborers.

  • And there's a lot of enmity on animosity on strife between these two groups.

  • And so I guess it's not difficult to understand why a young East Indian woman may have felt that she had to tell her kids that when they were going out, kids that were very dark skinned and looked like African Children.

  • Don't call me mommy, okay?

  • Call me Aunty Cathy.

  • I felt like someone had cuffed me.

  • I felt I couldn't breathe when she said it.

  • Then in that moment, we're talking about moments today.

  • In that moment, began my struggle toe, understand my own self worth and value in a world where I felt my own mother could not, and things got, things were exacerbated.

  • I know this is sounding all very sad.

  • We will lift it up at some point, for things were exacerbated when my aunt took my brother and I, my father sisters, took my brother and I to live with them on and with no explanation to us we had no idea.

  • Why were we living with these aunts, Onda?

  • The only thing we could see is that the arms had more money.

  • And so early on, this message was enforced, you know, reinforced in me that, you know, money somehow had more value than families and connection than love.

  • And I grew up feeling powerless.

  • And with that powerlessness, I was angry and I became rebellious.

  • I heard that I gave all this trouble in school and I probably did not saying I didn't.

  • But I was told I would amount to nothing.

  • I was told that I was as a teenager, that I was only interested in looking for men.

  • That's something we see in Trinidad and Tobago.

  • I guess I was looking for my value on myself, Ruth.

  • I was told that I would either end up a prostitute or pregnant and unwed.

  • I would be a dropout.

  • I was told all those things.

  • And through all of that time there was one thing deceived me.

  • When I turned 16 I actually was kicked out of school.

  • And when I turned 19 I was actually pregnant on unwed.

  • Yes, I fulfill the expectations of others And I guess when you have your no self worth and value, the expectations of others become a very powerful thing.

  • But the one thing that saved me is that I did not.

  • In all of my environment and all of my experiences, I did not become sad, depressed, overwhelmed.

  • I did not true into drugs and alcohol.

  • Like many of our hooting teenagers to D, I became angry when people said these things to me.

  • A deep surge of emotion bubbled up inside of me, an aggressive energy, and I took that energy and I said No, I am a value watch my dust And so that when I was 16 and kicked out of school, I said, Watch my dust, I continued studying.

  • I got my own levels on.

  • I got into another school to do my A levels.

  • And by 19 when I was pregnant on unwed, I had also finished my first year off university studying law.

  • They told me I needed to have an abortion or else my life would be ruined.

  • I chose not to.

  • I said, Watch my dust.

  • I had my son On a few days later, I was back in university did not miss a beat on qualified as a lawyer at the age of 22.

  • But when they put my son in my arms for the first time in my life, that surge of emotion that I used to feel was different.

  • I felt love, unconditional love.

  • Those of you have had Children here.

  • You know what I'm talking about?

  • This protective energy.

  • You would do anything for this life.

  • That's a miracle that is in your hands.

  • And when they put him in my hands, I looked at this little baby all perfect.

  • Andi.

  • A little piece of me began to heal because I looked at my baby, all proof it.

  • I saw myself there.

  • I said I too was a baby like this.

  • Perfect, not needing to strive to prove my value to anyone I had value just because I waas and in that moment, off off love and joy and peace.

  • I actually felt this anger boiling up inside of me again in that moment.

  • And this anger was not aimed at anyone.

  • But it was aimed at a society at a world that separated Children from this feeling of value on Booth.

  • This connection and in There was born the creative question off my life, and that creative question was subconscious than I've done work to understand this now.

  • But this was all subconscious.

  • But my creative question was, How might I create a world where human value is given priority over economic value over societal expectations, pressures and man made rules?

  • And to answer that question, I felt I had a responsibility to do more than just yoga.

  • And so a 22 when I qualified, when all of my friends were getting jobs with big law firms and on in house counsel and really, you know, driving nice cars and all that.

  • I became a legally a criminal defense attorney because I felt connected to people that society felt had no value.

  • I could see their value, and I fought for them people, said Margaret, Why you doing that?

  • I'm like they have value that deserves a defense As I matured and in the lawyers specialize in public procurement law, which is law that governs how governments by which, when you think about it, is really about how government identify measure on, please value in society.

  • Now I worked with on Trapani ears on lawyers to try to help them navigate the twin pursuit off, creating social value alongside economic value.

  • You see your anger.

  • I can point you to grief that requires healing.

  • But it can also be the gravity for your purpose on when you begin living in that purpose, it unlocks the doors for healing, for forgiveness, for gratitude for your past.

  • And so my mom today is one of my closest friends.

  • I love her.

  • She loves me.

  • This is my brother Daniel.

  • Last year she had to go through something no other mother should have.

  • She stood at the bedsides off her son Daniel, 48 years old, every night d a night as he passed on to another realm and she held him and she said, Don't worry, my son Mommy is here.

  • Therefore, things my story about anger can teach us and we don't have enough time.

  • But this is backed up by the research.

  • One anger points us to that which we are deeply connected to.

  • Andhra gives us an uncommon fuel for action.

  • Ah, courage to take action when ordinarily we would not have it under point, sister, that which we feel most profoundly responsible for our boundaries, what we're willing to fight for and, interestingly, anger their scientists in 2015.

  • A study shored is positively correlated with innovation and creativity and more so than love, connection, action, responsibility and entrepreneurship.

  • So angry people care.

  • They do.

  • They do Onda.

  • I want to see one thing which could be controversial to some of you, the highest part, the highest use off anger is not the path of protest, even non violent protest.

  • It's not the highest part of anger is the path of empathy seeking to find your purpose seeping, seeking to help others and seeking to solve some of the most pressing problems facing people and planet to D.

  • That's the highest use of your anger.

  • And so if you are not angry at the systems and the injustices that you're seeing in the world to D, then that means you're content you are content on.

  • If you're content that contentment will never drive, riel change and change is required in this time in this time in 2017 the World Economic Forum indicated for the first time that rising levels of public anger are threatening our security and safety.

  • The fabric of our society.

  • If you and I, if we do not begin toe work more collectively unconsciously, with our anger, we will find that those who have the power to manipulate our tension will cause us to misdirect this powerful energy toward each other.

  • Toe What contrived enemies When the real enemy, the real task ahead of us is system change.

  • I leave you with two things.

  • This is island again.

  • Two invitations.

  • When you see the photo, don't look away.

  • Not only an island, but the injustices in your community in the world don't look away.

  • And when you find what makes you feel angriest, that which you feel most profoundly responsible for.

  • I ask.

  • My second invitation is Don't say I'm angry.

  • See?

  • I care.

  • And then do the work to figure out what it is I care about Enough toe act.

  • Our collective future depends on this.

  • Thank you.

This is a picture off island Cootie.

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怒りはあなたにとって良いことなのか?| マーガレット・ローズ・ゴダード|TEDxBrighton (Can Anger be Good for you? | Margaret Rose-Goddard | TEDxBrighton)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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